“Where do you want this huge roll of bubble wrap?” I asked my boss. “Just pop it in the corner,” he replied. It took me three hours.
A man is drinking with his wife when out of the blue he announces, “I love you.” “Is that you or the beer talking?” she asks. “It’s me,” he says, [...]
Exit signs – they’re on the way out, aren’t they?
Matt’s dad picks him up from school. Knowing the parts for the school play were chosen that day, he asks his son if he got a role. Matt announces: “Yes, I play a man who’s been [...]
OMG. President Lincoln has been shot! Wait, whoa, my internet connection is SUH-LOW.
I hate people who say that time travel is a stupid idea. It’s exactly that kind of attitude that lost us World War Three.
An old man at the end of a jetty is selling seagulls – $2.50 for one, or three for five bucks. A curious tourist goes up to him and says, “I’ll take one, please,” and hands over his money. The [...]
A new member of staff called John is being shown around the office by his new boss. They enter the IT department and John sees a man using two keyboards at the same time. “That’s incredible,” [...]
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I’d just like to say to any women out there having trouble keeping their hair out of their eyes: get a grip.
I just poured some superglue into a non-stick frying pan. Someone’s about to be proved wrong.
I said to my boyfriend recently, “You know, we’ve been together for four years – I think it’s about time we started talking about the future.” I thought he was going to run for the hills – but he [...]
Two hunters hired a pilot to fly them deep into the wilderness to look for deer. After bagging six large bucks, they were loading the plane to return when the pilot said, “Hold on. This aircraft [...]
I enrolled in an online school to become a private investigator. I gave them my money, and then I never heard back from them. I thought: Either I just got ripped off, or this is my first case.
I love being married. When I was single, I got so sick of finishing my own sentences.
A fit young man on a construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. After several minutes, one of the older workmen had had enough. “Why don’t you put your [...]
