40 funny tweets about parenting that will make your day

My daughter woke me up at 5 am to urgently tell me, “Any balloon SpongeBob blows up is technically a water balloon,” and I have not been able to fall back asleep. —@isabelzawtun

Me: Time for bed.

Four-year-old: No, it’s not.

Me: You can’t tell time.

Four-year-old: I can tell you’re wrong.

—@XplodingUnicorn

Sometimes I miss having a toddler, but then I hear one throwing a tantrum because “The moon keeps following me,” and I think, “Yeah, I’m good.”

—@FatherWithTwins

Me, the first time my kid tries to help out: “Oh, that’s so nice. Thank you.”

Me, every other time since: “Pal, get out of the dishwasher. We need to leave in less than an hour.”

—@thedad

Me: The broth in this beef stew I made is really good.

Son: Slowly squeezes tomato sauce into stew without breaking eye contact.

—@KateWhineHall

Me: *dies*

My kids: *using the Ouija board*

H-I

M-O-M

W-H-A-T

A-R-E

Y-O-U

M-A-K-I-N-G

F-O-R

D-I-N-N-E-R?

—@Carbosly

A children’s birthday party game: guess which guests are contagious. —@PetrickSara

Instead of brushing her teeth like I asked, my five-year-old went to the bathroom, lay down in front of the toilet and took a nap. I guess what I’m trying to say is she’s my new life coach.

—@daddysdigest

Daughter: What’s nostalgia?

Wife: It’s when you miss something that’s really old.

[Later] Me: I’m home from work!

Wife: Aww, we missed you!

Daughter: [whispering] Nostalgia.

—@NewDadNotes

How to stay on top of the laundry when you have two or more kids:

1. You can’t.
2. Find a new dream. —@MacgyveringM22

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Source: RD.ca