12 polite habits job interviewers actually dislike – and what to do instead

There’s no way around it: Job interviews are stressful. That goes for everyone, whether you’re just starting out, changing careers or applying for a job you know you’re perfect for. After all, that interview is your chance to make a good impression, and if you don’t, you can pretty much kiss that job goodbye. That’s why you want to be as professional and polite as possible, especially since those qualities are among the first things your job interviewer will notice about you. The only problem?

You might not be as polite as you think you’re being.

That’s because while the general rules of etiquette apply here, there are a few others that are specific to job interviews. For example, you want to be polite when discussing your previous jobs … but you also shouldn’t sugarcoat things. “Most candidates strive to highlight their accomplishments and omit all the controversy,” says career expert Mariana Boloban. “Yet being overly positive about previous job experience shows a lack of self-awareness and honesty.” Of course, at the same time, you can be too honest, which can make this feel like a minefield.

Luckily, there are some easy ways to navigate tricky situations like answering common interview questions, deciding what to wear or asking about salary. We spoke to job interviewers to get the scoop on which ‘polite’ habits actually drive them nuts – and what to do instead. Here’s what you need to know to land that job.

It feels weird to ask questions at an interview. After all, you’re the one being interviewed, and you don’t want to seem like you haven’t done your research on the company. Plus, you don’t want to eat up too much of your interviewer’s time and possibly overstay your welcome. Especially if this isn’t the first round of interviews, you might say something like, “Your colleagues have answered all my questions.”

But Dr Neha Sangwan, a communications specialist and the author of Powered by Me, says that this response shows a lack of engagement and can indicate that the applicant is not taking the opportunity seriously. “Someone truly interested would likely ask several people the same question and compare their answers or use this as an opportunity to show interest in getting to know the individual in front of them,” she explains.

Do this instead: Ask the interviewer a question specific to their experience, such as: “How did you decide this was the right place for you?” or “What’s your favourite aspect of working here?” Or if you do have lingering questions, this is the time to ask them. You should also know how to answer every job applicant’s least-favourite question: “Tell me about yourself.”

Now discover and nail 15 of the trickiest job interview questions.

A formal situation calls for a few formalities. Your cover letter should be professional, your conversation shouldn’t be overly familiar, and you should keep some private details private. This is a job interview, after all! But the world has become increasingly informal, and being overly formal is an etiquette mistake too.

“You might think you’re being polite by saying Ms Jones or Mr Jones, but it feels stiff if your interviewer is calling you by your first name,” says Kelly Donovan, owner of Kelly Donovan & Associates, a job-search company. Aside from feeling out of sync with the vibe in the room, adds Boloban, “when a candidate is overly formal, it’s harder to connect with them, build trust and analyse if they match the company’s culture.”

Do this instead: Mirror your interviewer’s behaviour. “If you’re being addressed as Mr or Ms, you should address them with that formality as well,” Donovan says. “But if your interviewer is calling you by your first name, they’re giving you implicit permission to do the same.” If you’re still hesitant (old habits die hard!), Donovan suggests confirming by asking, “May I call you John?”

You might really like the person you’re being interviewing by, and you don’t want to mislead them. And it can certainly feel like you’re doing that when you’re speaking with other companies, especially when you think you might be getting an offer from them soon. Plus, maybe if you mention these other possibilities, including ones at your current company, that could light a little fire and prompt this company to make you an offer. Unfortunately, this likely won’t turn out the way you hope it will.

While being truthful and transparent are admirable qualities, they won’t play well in this specific situation. For starters, the interviewer is not your buddy, no matter how well you get along in an interview. Beyond that, Dr Sangwan says, revealing your other options too soon shows ambiguity and implies that you’re not serious about the job.

Do this instead: If you’re considering another opportunity, use something interesting about the other company as fodder to ask a deeper question about this company, advises Dr Sangwan. For example, if the other company is more environmentally conscientious and that’s important to you, you could use that intel to frame a question such as: “I’m passionate about the environment and curious if there’s an opportunity to innovate and evolve the marketing campaign to be more green.”

It can be hard to talk about yourself, and highlighting your accomplishments may feel like bragging. But it’s important that your interviewer knows your direct contributions to your current or former companies. “When asked to describe their accomplishments or greatest strengths, some candidates describe what their sales team accomplished, which leaves the interviewer trying to distil what the candidate’s role was and what skills, perspectives and attributes they contributed,” Dr Sangwan says. “The interviewer may conclude that they didn’t meaningfully contribute and should be hiring someone else from that team.”

Do this instead: Answer the question with an expanded perspective of the three layers the goal was accomplished: Me-We-World. In other words, first talk about how you accomplished the goal, then about how your team assisted and, lastly, about its impact on the ‘world’ (aka your customers, clients or company). Once you give the basics, says Dr Sangwan, you can read the room and see if you should be more specific about any of the layers. Above all, be specific about your contribution so the interviewer gets a clear idea of what you have done and what you can do. Here’s what that might look like.

Me: My strengths centre around creativity and innovation. I pitched and outlined the original concept, then created a plan to make it happen.

We: My colleagues are fantastic at taking our brainstorming ideas and executing them.

World: This partnership then allowed us to serve our customers in an innovative way well before others in our industry. This captured media interest and was reflected in our stock price.

Over 50? Here are 6 tips for a job interview for more mature workers.

This is a tough one – especially if you’re an interviewee of a certain age. Many people have been taught that a job interview calls for a suit. Full stop. And while this is expected in some workplaces, more and more companies now have casual environments. “You could appear out of touch with their culture if you show up in a suit and tie while your interviewers are wearing jeans,” Donovan says.

Do this instead: Do a little research. “If you know anyone who works at the company, ask them for insight into what the typical attire is for the department you will be interviewing with, or ask the HR rep for input,” Donovan says. “It’s fine to dress a notch above what the typical attire is, but try to avoid having too dramatic of a difference.” Defaulting to business casual is a safe bet here; it mainly means looking polished and neat. You can often opt for khakis or dark-wash jeans as long as they’re paired with a tailored top and, for women, smart accessories.

It’s the grown-up, job-interviewing version of the mantra we heard as kids: Speak only when spoken to. You may think it’s polite to let the interviewer drive the conversation, then ask your questions at the end, but interviewers aren’t fans of this – especially if any of your questions relate to your experience … or lack thereof. “Bringing this up at the end of the interview leaves the person interviewing you with a negative perspective,” says Kelsea Warren, a workplace wellbeing coach and consultant. “It can be off-putting, as they have often not fully considered this during the interview process.”

Do this instead: Make your interview more of a conversation, weaving in questions in the course of your time together, not in a lump at the end. If you’re a new graduate or switching fields, feel free to ask the interviewer if they have any hesitation about your experience – but do it early in the chat. This will give you ample time to assure them you have what it takes to do the job well, and it won’t seem rushed or like an afterthought.

What are those final questions for? They should address any information you still need to know about the company, the role or the work environment. And you should always end on a positive note.

Preparation is important – it shows your work ethic and your commitment to getting this job. But it is possible to be so prepared that your answers sound mechanised and bland. This effectively removes your personality from the process, which is the last thing an employer wants. For example, familiarising yourself with the company website is critical, but reciting the copy verbatim is going to show that you’re great at memorising but maybe not so skilled at speaking off the cuff.

It also won’t showcase you as a person or potential employee. “If you lean too heavily on what you think they want to hear, you may be leaving out crucial aspects of your own needs and personality in the process,” says Warren. “This can come off as disingenuous.”

Do this instead: Set up a mock interview at home, which you can do solo or with a friend or family member. The most important part of this is saying your answers out loud, Warren says. This will ensure you’re comfortable saying them to a real person, help you identify any potential stumbling blocks and even figure out other points of discussion to bring up.

What shouldn’t you say at an interview? Don’t let this word slip past your lips.

The likelihood is high that your interviewer is considering multiple candidates and may make a mistake and confuse you for someone else. “If your interviewer says something erroneous about your background, you might think it’s rude to point out the mistake,” says Donovan. “However, allowing a misunderstanding to linger can lead to bigger problems.” If they get your college wrong or mention your degree when you didn’t attend university, you should nip that in the bud.

Do this instead: Clarify immediately. This shows confidence and how you might deal with a minor issue in a workplace scenario. You’re not being rude by pointing it out, and it’s always wise to keep the facts straight, especially when there’s something at stake. FYI, this is a polite habit that most people dislike, so it’s an important skill to have.

If your interview takes place over lunch or dinner at a restaurant, you might think that offering to pick up the tab – and even arguing over it – will show how generous and polite you are, but you’ll impress your interviewer more with solid conversation starters. “Paying for the meal is the employer’s responsibility,” Donovan says, “and the interviewers will pay with a company credit card.”

While it’s polite to offer to treat or split the bill in most other circumstances, in this case it’s understood that the employer invited you to a meal and therefore they’re taking care of the bill. That seemingly playful banter about the bill can get uncomfortable quickly, and this whole exchange serves as an example of how you interact with others, which is especially important if you’ll be dealing with clients in your role.

Do this instead: Resist the urge when the bill arrives, and instead allow your interviewers to handle it. It is polite to thank them for the meal, so be sure to do that.