Marriage counsellors reveal common sex problems
It’s not uncommon for couples to experience problems with sexual compatibility over time. It can be due to stress, conflicting schedules, fatigue related to work or child-rearing, or some other factor. Some couples even become stuck in sexless marriages or partnerships for months or even years at a time. The loss of intimacy can be damaging to a relationship. However, there are ways to bring back the passion in your sex life, according to couples counsellors.
We asked therapists and counsellors to tell us what sexual problems they hear about most often, as well as the solutions they recommend to resolve them.
We don’t have time for sex
“Between jobs, kids, taking care of the household, and social demands, you may feel like there’s no time left for each other,” says marriage and family therapist, Jill Whitney. “When you do have time together, it’s more likely to be collapsed on the sofa in front of Netflix rather than romping in the bedroom.”
“Sex is an important way for partners to connect physically and emotionally,” she says. “It deserves to be a priority in your marriage.” She suggests blocking out uninterrupted time together. “Go on dates where you laugh and talk. Then come home early enough that you’re not too tired to get frisky,” she says. “Arrange an overnight babysitting swap with another family so you can bask in bed together on a Saturday morning. Do whatever you need to make sure sex remains a vibrant part of your marriage. It’s an important ‘glue’ that keeps you strong as a couple.”
Sex is now boring
It’s not unusual to feel like things have gotten a little stale when it comes to your sex life. However, a 2017 study published in the journal BMJ Open suggests this feeling can come sooner for women. Researchers found women reported a lack of interest in sex once they were in a relationship for more than a year. “Couples often figure out a pattern of lovemaking that works for them,” says Whitney. “One partner does this lovely thing, the other person does that, and everyone has a good time. Unfortunately, your typical way of making love gets old after a while. Your sex may still be pleasant, but it’s not exciting.” Whitney encourages couples to try something novel. “This could be something as simple as new lingerie, a slow massage, or watching a racy movie together,” she says. If you’re feeling a little braver, she says you can discuss your fantasies and try to act on them.