12 ways to avoid holiday depression

Although holiday depression can happen during any year, it feels like it’s especially at the forefront of 2021. After two years of anxiety, fear and stress due to the coronavirus pandemic, it makes sense that many people may not be feeling the holiday spirit as much as in past years.

Still, some people may be more prone to holiday depression than others. This might include people grieving the loss of family or friends, those who are estranged from loved ones, or individuals struggling with other mental health issues.

Here’s what you should know about holiday depression and what you can do to try your best to avoid it, according to experts.

For many people, “the most wonderful time of the year” is actually really difficult. There’s just something about the holidays that seems to tap into all our inner woes and stresses, triggering holiday depression.

So what can you do to combat holiday depression and stress? Prioritise what’s important, and don’t tack on any additional tasks, suggests psychologist Margaret Wehrenberg, author of The 10 Best-Ever Depression Management Techniques. “Create a space and a plan for the important things, and then see what else may fit in around them,” she says. “Think ahead about what is always a waste of time in your life and then do not do those things. For example, if you always bake a lot but have most of the cookies and pastries left over, skip it this year.”

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Thanks to popular culture, we all have an idea of what the holidays are “supposed” to look like – sitting around a table with family and friends and unwrapping plentiful gifts before a big feast. Unfortunately, this happy picture doesn’t reflect many realities of the season, especially this year, and can lead to holiday depression.

“Unrealistic hopes that everything will be perfect, and that everyone needs to be happy leads to disappointment and frustration, and raises levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which will make you feel edgy and irritable,” says psychologist Deborah Serani, award-winning author of Living With Depression, and a professor at Adelphi University.

Instead, “focus on what’s ‘good enough,’ and make that your mantra. The more realistic you are about the true meaning of the holidays, which is about celebration and togetherness – not perfection – the more you’ll experience wellbeing.”

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We may want the holiday season to lead to making amends with loved ones, but it may not always be possible in such a short time, especially when holiday prep triggers holiday depression and stress. “People want the holiday time to make up for family and personal tensions that exist throughout the year,” Wehrenberg says. “This myth of forgiveness and reunion is fed by numerous stories on TV programs and movies.”

Although there’s nothing wrong with wanting to ease any conflicts, it’s important to manage expectations with others – they won’t just change overnight. “Avoid falling into old behavioural patterns with others by being aware of them before you arrive,” Serani adds.

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The season has a tendency to magnify the people or things we’re missing in our lives. “Especially if it’s the first holiday after a divorce or death, or if you’re alone, you may be missing someone so much that it makes your holiday traditions feel empty,” Serani says. “It can also be hard to feel like celebrating or get into a festive spirit if you’re moving through a difficult time like illness, financial hardship, job loss, or other stressful experiences.”

If old traditions are too painful or not possible due to the pandemic, Serani suggests planning new ones in order to take control and move through your holiday depression and the challenges you’re facing. Volunteering is another way to feel needed again if you’re alone for the first time. Most importantly, don’t ignore the elephant in the room. “Talk freely about what you have enjoyed with your loved one in the past – for example, ask, ‘Wouldn’t my mother have loved to be here for this?’” Wehrenberg says. “Pretending the loss did not occur tends to make it worse.”

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Holiday celebrations can lead us to take out our seasonal woes on the dinner table. According to a survey from the American Psychological Association (APA), 56 percent of participants reported eating to reduce stress and holiday depression during the holidays, versus 38 percent during the rest of the year. But eating your feelings is one of the ways to reduce stress that actually backfire.

“It’s easy to get lost in delicious treats at holiday time,” Serani says. “Too much of a good thing though can spike sugar levels and kick up production of insulin, leaving you feeling tired, agitated and slowing your performance at work and at home.”

In order to avoid this, learn to recognise patterns of unhealthy eating behaviour and be mindful of limits. As in the rest of the year, “healthy eating with occasional indulgences is the way to go,” Serani says.

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Some people turn to cocktails instead of food to ease their holiday depression, but it’s not a good idea. The APA’s study found that 38 percent of participants used alcohol to deal with holiday worries, compared to 18 percent during the rest of the year. Of course, that never works – and in a vicious cycle, it frequently makes negative feelings even worse.

“Hangovers from alcohol do not add to joy,” Wehrenberg says. Plus, it can be dangerous, with more people dying in alcohol-related traffic accidents during the holidays.

So although it can be tempting to drown your sorrows, limit the amount you consume, and recognise others in your social circle who might need help. “People with alcohol abuse issues may create very distressing situations, being drunk and argumentative, abusive, or otherwise disturbing to family and friends,” Wehrenberg says. “Family should plan ahead how to handle this situation, and perhaps spending some time at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings [or other recovery groups] or talking with a counsellor before the holiday can help sort out what to do.”

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With so much going on during the holidays, working out often takes a back seat. Plus, what’s the point if you’re already being unhealthy by eating and drinking too much, right? Well, along with avoiding those other bad habits, it’s wise to carve out time for physical activity.

If not getting enough exercise adds to feeling poorly physically and mentally, getting more exercise leads to feeling good and busting holiday sadness. And that doesn’t have to mean spending hours working out. In fact, walking just 12 minutes can boost your mood. “You can keep active by parking a little further from the shops to walk, climbing the escalator, or taking stairs instead of elevators,” Dr Serani says. “Those little bursts of energy will reduce some of the stress you’re feeling.”

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With all the craziness around the holidays, taking care of ourselves can fall to the bottom of our to-do list. But not making time for self-care can lead to feeling down in the dumps and holiday depression. “You can shift your neurochemistry by simply pampering yourself,” Serani says. “You don’t have to book a spa weekend to get the benefits. Consider fragrant baths, a cup of tea, a quiet moment in the car, lighting candles, and cuddling with a loved one. These sensorial things raise dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin, feel-good hormones that improve mood.” Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, too, which can help with mood and resilience to stress.

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The pressure to buy the biggest and best presents can cause anxiety or holiday depression for those who are strapped for cash. According to a poll, 31 percent of participants cited getting into debt as a major source of anxiety around the holidays. “Making a budget and sticking with it is ideal, using cash instead of credit helps keep the lid on, and avoid impulse spending by making a list and checking it twice to be sure it is a reasonable cost,” Wehrenberg advises. Also, talk with some of those you exchange presents with to see if you can set a spending limit or agree to re-gift this year. Or, your group can do a secret Santa or white elephant exchange to cut down on the number of total gifts.

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