Empty nest syndrome is real – here’s how to cope

Mandie Crawford is a behaviour consultant who has survived the empty nest several times, when her young children went to live with dad, then after they came back and left again as adults. “It’s never easy,” she says, “As parents we often bury ourselves so deep we forget to look at the big picture. I had to ask myself who I was apart from being a mother.”

Crawford, who teaches life skills and speaks about empowerment, advises parents to look at their empty nest as an opportunity. There is an undeniable feeling of emptiness once children leave and it is important to acknowledge it, she says. But “the fact is there is also a much bigger community we belong to.”

Learn 12 simple ways to make friends as an adult.

We are a quick-fix society, says Crawford. People want to feel better immediately and it just doesn’t work that way. Allow yourself to take all the time you need.

Discover 10 short rituals you can do every day to boost your mental health.

Crawford says that once their kids leave home, many adults tend to re-establish relationships with their own siblings. Your old allies can be your best allies in this new stage in your life.

Learn 12 proven ways siblings help make you who you are.

We tend to go through life with labels that define what rather than who we are, says Gillian Leithman, who speaks to parents about the empty nest syndrome in her role with a retirement planning firm. She suggests you find out who you are beyond the title on your business cards and your role in your family.

Take advantage of the increased time you have for each other, but recognise that the dynamics have changed and that while there are things you will do together, there are also things you will do apart, says Crawford. Talk openly about your expectations. Understand how you each view your relationship and find the balance between these two.

Follow these 6 expert tips to make your relationship stronger.

Take a course, volunteer, explore new hobbies or launch a new business. See your empty nest as the opportunity it is, advises Leithman.

Discover the childhood hobbies that double as incredible kilojoule-burning workouts.

Your baby might be gone but in her place is an adult with whom you can develop an equally strong but more mature and possibly deeper connection. Respect your child’s independence, says Leithman, and try to find new ways to connect: a date for lunch, perhaps a weekend trip together or maybe just a weekly chat via webcam.

Leithman says the best advice she can offer is to plan. This is a milestone event and preparation is everything. Interestingly, she finds that women tend to be more cognisant of this impending change and therefore better prepared. “Men don’t seem to acknowledge the transition as much and regret seems to be the major repercussion of that,” says Leithman.

Leithman also suggests that parents see this as the opportunity it is. “You have more time, more money,” she says. “Take advantage of it. Now your sole responsibility is you.”

Find out how to introduce your partner to your adult children.

Sign up here to have Reader’s Digest’s favourite stories straight to your inbox.

Source: RD Canada