The 18 funniest things people have ever said – while they were sleeping

Can you remember your last somniloquy? Chances are you didn’t deliver it onstage – if you did, the audience would demand their money back – but it was probably an unforgettable performance nonetheless.

“Somniloquy” is the technical term for sleep talking, a harmless, unconscious behaviour that about 5 percent of adults keep up regularly after childhood. With your mind deep in dreamland and your motor functions edging back into reality, sleep talking is one of those highly bizarre activities that you can do without having any recollection of it. That was certainly the case with these Reddit readers who shared the funniest, most unusual things they ever said (or heard someone else say) while sleep talking. Lucky for us all, there was someone else around to record them. Take it all in – and then tell us your answer.

My mum, after falling asleep on the couch: “We’ll need to find a replacement…”

Me: “for what?”

Mum: “Your sister” —Reddit user frankiedarlin

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My wife told me last month that while I was sleeping I said, “Set the burrito trap.”

She said she asked me what that was… I have no clue, but would like to know myself. —porkfatrules.

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My SO does this almost every night: “Baby… if you were a caterpillar…”

Me: “…Yeah?”

Her: “What… what would do you with all those legs?” —basemodel

Here’s how to fall back asleep after waking up in the middle of the night.

I said to my fiancé in my sleep: “I love you because you have such long antennae.” —YodaPie.

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Once a friend told me that I went on in my sleep about how great Benjamin Franklin was, and referred to him as the “king of kites” more than once. —Shatakai

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My friend once yelled, “Mother! Fetch me my cape!” to his mother’s bemusement. —PneumaticPtarmigan.

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Just last week, my 8-year-old daughter rolls over in my bed where she’d fallen asleep and said, “mmmmm… I want pizza. (pause) And a beer.” I nearly fell out of bed laughing. —tanyagal2

My mum told me I once said, “Don’t go to that party R2, they have spaghetti. It’ll mess up your circuits.” Honestly I have no idea. —KingMiguelMCID.

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My dad was coming out of surgery. Sat up, pointed at my mum and said, “after I get rid of her, I am going to clown school.” He then laid back down and went back to sleep. —danmanne.

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