34 of the funniest excuses ever uttered

Years ago, as a young man driving a very old station wagon, I was pulled over for speeding.

“You know, you were going 55 in a 45-mph zone,” the officer said.

I knew he was wrong and told him. “Honestly, Officer, I don’t think this piece of junk can go that fast.”

“You know, that’s the best excuse I’ve heard in a long time.” He then got back into his patrol car without ticketing me. —Arnie Maestas

I received an email from a student that said, “Yea, sorry teacher I didn’t do my homework. I didn’t have Internet.” An email!

These stupid warning labels will make you feel like a genius.

One of my chronically late employees showed up later than usual. At least he had a good excuse: “The train that gets me here ten minutes late was ten minutes late.” — Patricia Johnson Brick

One of my cashiers once called off with a 44˚C-degree fever… needless to say, I congratulated him on his medical miracle for surviving when I saw him next.

A guy claimed he was held up by the train on the way to school. There hasn’t been a train on those tracks in decades.

“I can’t go into work today, my cat is depressed and I should take care of it.” — From a physical therapist with a doctorate degree.

I had a worker who didn’t show up one Monday, and his excuse was “a crow stole my car keys.”

I had an employee who told me six weekends in a row that he didn’t turn up to work because he was “helping his parents move.”

A student couldn’t come to take their final exam because “their cat was sneezing.”

“Be right back guys, my pool’s on fire.”

Check out these stories of the dumbest criminals ever.