16 secrets of naturally charming people

We all have a shared interest or two if we dig deep enough. Once you identify that shared interest, you’ll have a stronger connection. Mutual interests provide an avenue and outlet for people to express what they love, Goldstein says. They help conversations flow in a positive direction. Finding common ground also shows that you care about them because you’re interested in what’s important to them, he says.

People who are likable don’t spend too much time obsessing about themselves. They don’t worry how well they’re liked. Instead, they focus on those around them, Syrtash says. In conversations, they ask a lot of questions, including ones that are open-ended to draw the other person out.

Whether they’re interacting with the waiter taking their dinner order or their biggest client, charming people realise that everyone should be treated with the same kindness. “Everyone deserves respect, and if you see someone disrespect another person, you won’t walk away with a positive opinion of them, no matter what they’ve said to you,” says Burbach. Charismatic people don’t feel that they’re better than or above anyone else.

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The key to using small talk correctly is to not get stuck in it, says Burbach. “Small talk should serve as an opener that allows you to find out more about a person so you can get to more meaty subjects,” she says. What kind of impression do you leave if all you talk about is the weather? That’s no way to create and build an emotional connection with someone. “Small talk is forgettable,” says House. “Conversations of depth are memorable.” Charming people form a bond in even the shortest and most basic of conversations. They show a genuine interest in you that enables them to relate to you and ask deep questions right off the bat. “If someone walked up to you and went deep into conversation without knowing you, it may put you off,” says Burbach. “But if they opened with small talk and then quickly transitioned to a topic that you could both enjoy discussing, this would make you feel connected on more than just a superficial level.”

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“The number-one most attractive quality in both men and women is confidence,” says Goldstein. “If you can dance like no one is watching, you’ll highlight your confidence, help others unwind, make others feel comfortable and show the world that you’re fun.” So, they’re at ease with putting their guard down occasionally. They’re OK with being a source of laughter for others and themselves. And people respect them more, not less, for that. People laugh with them, not at them.

When you’re all over the place and people have no idea what they’re dealing with, you might not be very likable. People reliably know what kind of response to expect from someone who is charismatic. So even if you’re in a bad mood, it doesn’t change how you treat people. “Be yourself,” says Goldstein. “People will be drawn to your consistency and feel comfortable knowing where you stand all the time.” You have a basic and sound idea of who you really are.

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Source: RD.com