Believing you can program desire
Desire comes and goes many times over the course of a long-term erotic relationship. During times when you don’t feel desire for your partner, the most important thing to remember is not to freak out. You can’t control desire any more than you can control the whims of a child. The secret to good sex in a long-lasting relationship is to sanctify the erotic moment by paying attention to it in all its variety, without judgment.
Desire is seldom all-or-none. Sometimes you will feel highly aroused together, and sometimes your arousal may be no more than a faint whisper. Sometimes it’s a matter of nurturing that whisper until it’s a healthy shout.
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