Encourage your partner to pursue a passion
Research suggests we’re most attracted to our partner when they are in their own element—in other words, when they’re feeling confident and in the flow.
That may be when he’s playing his trumpet or coding a new program, or when she’s dancing to flamenco music or painting pictures of historical landscapes.
Whatever your individual passions may be, focus on supporting each other to pursue them.
“Find where your partner excels and start looking at them fresh through that lens, as if you were strangers, meeting for the first time,” suggests sexual health consultant Celeste Holbrook, PhD.
Purposely spend some time apart
This may sound a little counterintuitive, but not spending every waking second glued to each other’s side is the best thing you can do to create a longing for each other.
“This is especially important for couples who spend too much time together,” says Dawn Michael, PhD, clinical sexologist, relationship expert, and author of My Husband Won’t Have Sex With Me.
“In relationships where one spouse travels for work every now and then, it’s easier because the nature of your schedules provides some distance to the relationship—the couple longs to see each and develops an appreciation for that person.”
If you have similar work schedules and find that you’re always together, go out of your way to see a friend twice a month or plan a short trip with a group of friends to avoid losing that longing of wanting to see each other again.
Show appreciation for your partner at least once every day
When you first started dating, remember how much you appreciated the little things your partner did for you and you did for him? Continue to do this in your relationship as it grows over the years.
“At the beginning you’re giddy with love and gratitude, and you’re grateful for your lover and all the little things you do together, the things they say and the places you go together,” says Claudia Six, PhD, sexologist, relationship coach, and author of Erotic Integrity: How to Be True to Yourself Sexually.
“Reconnect with that gratitude instead of taking your relationship for granted.”
Start the day by telling each other what you’re grateful for, complimenting one another regularly, saying “I love you,” and comment on a new dress or a new haircut.
If you want to take the romance up a few notches, start leaving love notes in unexpected places—by the coffee machine, in his underwear drawer, by the door so he sees it as he’s leaving, or on the garbage can for whoever takes out the trash.