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Make sure you know your letters “G”, “A” and “O”

Make sure you know your letters “G”, “A” and “O”
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No, we’re not talking about the basic alphabet, but rather the lesser known “hot” spots similar to the G-spot. “There is another spot named the A-spot past the G-spot, just above where the cervix is located in the vagina, and another on the opposite side below the cervix, known as the O-spot,” says Steve McGough, DHS, director of Research & Development at Women and Couples Wellness, LLC and associate professor of Clinical Sexology at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. “If your partner learns how to properly stimulate these areas both with their fingers and through intercourse, it will take you to a completely new level of experience.”

Schedule sex

Schedule sex
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It might sound unsexy, but putting sex on the calendar is one realistic and approachable way to ensure that it actually happens. “Frequency of sex is one of the major issues articulated between couples as a problem,” says Masini. “If one partner is a ‘numbers person’ and the other isn’t, this can make the discrepancy between how much sex one person wants and how much they’re getting, more complicated.” She recommends coming to an agreement on a range of time in which you both are willing to try and have sex – it can be once a day, once a week, once a month, but try and stick to it!

Talk about what turns you on

Talk about what turns you on
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Sex and sexual desires are some of the top issues Martinez’s clients struggle with. “They are embarrassed and uncomfortable talking about their personal needs and desires, however, failure to discuss this often leaves one or both partners unfulfilled,” she says. “To be a partner is to be able to be open with each other, so you both should be able to express your wants and desires.” She recommends getting over the awkwardness hurdle by having a discussion with your partner about what works for you and what doesn’t. “You will both be happier and more satisfied if you know how to fulfil each other.”

Follow these tips to put your marriage back in the honeymoon phase. 

Avoid criticising your partner’s sexual performance

Avoid criticising your partner’s sexual performance
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Martinez points out that sex is a vulnerable act. “Many people carry with it a series of concerns and anxieties about their performance and ability to please you.” To tell your partner you are unfulfilled, to criticise their performance or to take it personally when they are struggling to perform, only worsens the situation. “The majority of male sexual issues is based in anxiety, so these types of comments only add to these anxieties and insecurities,” she says. “If there is a need that you want met, there are far better ways to express them.”

Incorporate a little fantasy

Incorporate a little fantasy
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If you or your partner is hesitant to try some of the moves you might have seen in 50 Shades of Grey, you might want to reconsider. “The mind is the foremost erogenous zone, so a stimulated imagination can powerfully stir the body through the sense organs,” explains Kolbe. For this reason, among many others, sexual fantasy can be beneficial for couples in relationships. “Sexual fantasies can entail mental scenarios involving persons other than one’s regular partner and include sexual activities considered exploratory and exhilarating.”

Touch each other in non-sexual ways

Touch each other in non-sexual ways
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Physical touch – that does not involve sexual activity – is just as important, if not more important, than having sex with your partner. “Multiple studies have shown that levels of oxytocin – aka the ‘love hormone’ – profoundly affect how you feel about your partner,” says McGough. “It not only makes you feel good, but it counteracts the effects of cortisol, aka the ‘stress hormone.’”

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Leave your to-do list at the (bedroom) door

Leave your to-do list at the (bedroom) door
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You know that seemingly endless list of things you’ve been meaning to do? There’s no place for them in the bedroom. “You shouldn’t thinking about your responsibilities during sex,” says Leah S. Millheiser, MD and ob-gyn. In fact, she points out that one of the biggest killers of arousal is responsibility. “The more you can disassociate from your tasks and responsibilities the more you will enjoy sex with your partner.” Jotting things down on paper, or in your smartphone can help get them out of your head.

Use reliable contraception

Use reliable contraception
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“Feeling confident about protection from pregnancy is important for those who don’t desire such,” explains Dr Dweck. “Remember, libido for women starts in the brain, so if you’re concerned about pregnancy you may have less desire.” While some women on the pill will complain of lower libido, others do not, so she notes that this issue remains controversial. There are also many other terrific options, like an IUD or an implant, for those who don’t want the pill.

Do your Kegels

Do your Kegels
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If you’ve ever been pregnant, chances are your ob-gyn told you to practise these exercises that help strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. “Kegels are extremely important for genito-urinary health,” says Dr Millheiser. “In fact, research has found Kegels to be helpful in improving orgasmic response (intensity), as well as addressing stress urinary incontinence and pelvic organ prolapse.” Unfortunately, even though this simple exercise doesn’t require a gym membership, it’s either infrequently performed or not done correctly. Dr Millheiser recommends patients work up to three sets of 15 reps, three times a day, holding each Kegel squeeze for about five seconds. “The best way to ID which are your Kegel muscles is to stop the stream of urine mid-pee,” she adds. Though, she notes that Kegels should not be done consistently while urinating – only to ID the correct muscles.

Take oestrogen

Take oestrogen
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Oestrogen is one of the female sex hormones that are important for sexual and reproductive development. Lacking in this hormone may lead to symptoms such as vaginal dryness, mood swings, pain during sex, irregular periods and hot flashes. “Oestrogen, either used directly on the vaginal skin or systemically by pill or patch, is the most effective treatment for vaginal dryness of menopause (officially known as genito-urinary syndrome),” says Diana Bitner, MD, OB/GYN and certified menopause practitioner. “Topical or systemic testosterone, or a newly approved medication Interosa (intravaginal DHEA) are also effective.”

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