Why you shouldn’t start a sentence with any of these 10 phrases

Don’t undermine your message, or your relationships, with these instant conversation-killers.

Also watch out for: “To tell you the truth,” “Honestly,” and “Can I be honest?”

TBH is a red flag for your listeners because it makes them wonder: Are you just now starting to tell the truth? Was everything you previously stated a big old lie? “When we add a preface, or we feel we need to add something after we’ve made a statement, it could appear as not credible,” says Julie Blais Comeau, the chief etiquette officer at EtiquetteJulie.com. “Take ownership of what you’re saying. Just state it, instead of adding an introduction or an afterthought.”

Here are 6 magic phrases that can save an awkward conversation. 

Also known as: “Not to be mean, but” or even “This comes from a place of love…”

The minute the person you’re talking to hears these words, he’s going to brace for an insult. “No offense” pretty much equals “here comes an offensive comment.” If you do need to deliver a criticism or some feedback that might be hard to hear: First, do it in private. Then, frame it with an “I” statement, says Jephtha Tausig, PhD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. “Try something like, ‘I’m concerned about this because … ‘ and then explain why,” she says. Another gentle approach: “Would you be open to some feedback?”

Also avoid: “This may be a silly question” and “I may be wrong here, but…”

There’s no “may” about it: Once you’ve introduced a negative quality, like “stupid” or “wrong,” you can’t take it back. Your listeners are already assuming that yes, you’re not too bright. You also sound like you’re lacking confidence, especially if you use a phrase like this in a work setting. “Everyone else in the meeting will be trying to stop themselves from rolling their eyes,” says Comeau. Go ahead and ask your question or make your statement without an intro that undercuts you and what you’re about to say.

Try these 37 conversation starters that make you instantly interesting. 

This phrase (and its siblings “If I were you …” and “have you tried…”) gives off a very condescending vibe. “You are saying that you know better,” says Dr Tausig. “It makes it seem like the other person is not entitled to her own perspective or emotions, that hers are less legitimate than yours.” A better approach is to simply listen without commenting. If you do have some advice that you think might be helpful, ask if it’s OK to share it. If you get permission, start with a more understanding phrase, like “you’ve probably already explored this” or “everyone is different, but something surprising that worked for me was … ”

Watch out for these signs that you’re a conversational narcissist. 

That’s a really big but. “It negates your previous clause,” says Dr Tausig, so what you’re really saying is, “Here comes a racist whopper.” That’s never a good way to start (or continue) a conversation. If you’re tempted to go this route, take a breath and think twice about what you’re about to say. Is it really going to add to a discussion in a positive way?

Here are 24 powerful quotes that speak volumes in the fight against racism. 

Hold on! What’s wrong with sharing your opinion? Usually, nothing – but especially at work, starting off a sentence this way can make you sound weak. It’s very natural to begin a statement with “I think,” says Julie Comeau, but “it’s not very persuasive.” Since you don’t mean “I am not sure, but,” in this case, Comeau recommends a preface such as “I believe,” “I’m certain that,” or “Based on my experience” instead.

Here are 11 phrases that will make you more successful at work. 

This is one of the worst ways to start a sentence, especially if you are talking to someone who is grieving. You really don’t know how the person feels, says Dr Tausig, even if you’ve also lost a parent or a spouse or a pet. It’s just insensitive. “An open-ended approach is usually better,” says Dr Tausig. “You might say, ‘Would you like to talk?’ so that they can respond with as much or as little as they wish to say.” Provide support by checking in after a little time has passed, when others have come and gone. Offer a specific invitation: “I’d love to help you with your garden,” or “I’m going to a concert next Friday. Would you like to join me?”

Here are more things you should never say to someone who is grieving. 

Ouch. Hostile much? Use this one, and you sound like you’re passive aggressively calling someone out for not listening. Either that, or you are trying to lay claim to an idea or a thought – but again, in an unnecessarily aggressive way. You certainly deserve credit for your good suggestions. And you deserve to have a respectful audience that’s paying attention. But if you don’t, a frosty opening like this one probably won’t help. Even swapping “we” for “I” can help here.

As in “Just so you know” or “You could just … ” or even “I just want to know … ” Just say no! “These phrases are really invalidating,” says Dr Tausig. They communicate an attitude of “I’m about to drop a bomb that doesn’t take your feelings into account.” It’s less confrontational to use a phrase such as “I would like to know,” suggests Julie Comeau. Skip the “just”-ifying and get right to the point!

Next, read about these 70 words and phrases that you’re probably using all wrong.

Sign up here to get Reader’s Digest’s favourite stories delivered straight to your inbox.

Source: RD.com