Work Jokes


A little boy in my infant class came into school and told me he could spell his mum’s name.
“M-U-M,” he said proudly. Before I could congratulate him, another little boy said excitedly, “... read more

Prices slashed

Here’s an ad for a hedge clipper that I had to read twice: “A built-in safety switch prevents accidental starting, and blades will stop when you take one hand off.”

Hardly working

My newly retired husband was watching as I went about my daily routine. I vacuumed, cleaned, ironed and sorted the laundry, and after making us both a cup of coffee, I sat down. Hubby looked at me... read more

Book him

When I returned a recipe book to my local library, the librarian noticed there was water damage to the book and asked me to pay for it. I agreed, but as I wasn’t carrying any money, I said I would... read more

How do I look?

My mother moved towns and went for her first visit to her new doctor’s surgery. The doctor looked through her extensive medical paperwork containing her health history and then looked at my mother... read more

Shocking display

My friend, who’s a nurse in an emergency department, was telling me about a patient who arrived with a gash in his head. Apparently the man was a farmer, and he and his son were working in a field... read more

The devil you know

When the coffeemaker went on the fritz, I joked that maybe it was the fault of the cockroaches. Our office manager was not amused.
“We don’t have cockroaches,” she said, putting me straight... read more

Great outdoors

What are the wildest things national park guides contend with? Questions from tourists, like these:

– Would the lightning be faster if it didn’t zigzag?

– How much does... read more

Poles apart

I phoned a local restaurant to ask if it was on the north or south side of Main Street. The person on the other end answered, “That depends on which direction you’re coming from.”

Lack of foresight

My husband was a tour guide for a 16th-century castle just near Leuchars airfield in Fife, Scotland. One day, while speaking to a group of American tourists, a jet plane flew overhead. The noise... read more

Quarter master

I ordered a foot-long roll from a sandwich bar in town for myself and my friends. There were four of us, so we decided one long roll would be cheaper than buying four individual ones.

... read more

Closed loop

My husband recently answered his work phone and heard someone start a familiar pitch about upgrading his computer software. A few seconds later the other office line rang and it was another cold... read more

A win's a win

We took our two teenage sons to a restaurant that was packed with fans watching a sporting event on TV. The harassed waitress took our order, but 30 minutes later there was no sign of our food. I... read more

Cross wires

I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted... read more

Time flies

A young man recently came to the clinic I work at for an MRI and was put into the machine by an equally young, blond technologist. When the examination was complete, he was removed from the MRI... read more