Relationship Jokes

Hardly working

My newly retired husband was watching as I went about my daily routine. I vacuumed, cleaned, ironed and sorted the laundry, and after making us both a cup of coffee, I sat down. Hubby looked at me... read more

From the horse's mouth

After leaving my job, I was amazed to hear that one of my old colleagues, Alan, had been spotted with a new girlfriend. Alan had never shown any interest in romance, so this was big news. A mutual... read more

Courting disaster

I mentioned to an unmarried friend of mine – an attorney – that he should attend a working singles mixer for lawyers. He hated the idea.

“Why,” he asked,” would I want to start a... read more

Gun salesman

My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.

“If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what would you get... read more

Garden variety apology

“That’s a nice plant,” said a woman at the florist’s shop, pointing to the flower I was buying.

“Yeah, my wife and I had an argument,” I admitted. “I was going to buy her a dozen... read more

Sour grapes

According to news reports, a man in China bought up all the odd numbered seats in a movie theatre last Valentine’s Day. The reason? He’d recently split up with his girlfriend and wanted to do his... read more


I was alone in an elevator when a girl stepped in with a phone pressed to her ear. “I have to go,” she told the person on the other end. “There’s a cute guy standing here.”

Before I... read more

The Great Tweet-off: Dad’s edition

Relationships with fathers could fill a thousand psychiatrist handbooks. It also gives Twitter jokesters a chance to vent freely:
I got all my looks from my father. Mostly just the look of... read more

The Great Tweet-off: Romance edition

It’s time for those in stable relationships to feel a little smug. Twitter account @FirstDateHell recounts the horrors of the dating scene through a series of gruesome anecdotes:

One... read more

There's always a catch

A woman returning from a fishing trip with her husband told her troubles to a neighbour. “I did EVERYTHING wrong again,” she said. “I talked too loudly, I used the wrong bait, I reeled in to soon... read more

Smart shopper

A man approaches a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and says, “I’ve lost my wife in the aisles. Would you mind talking to me for a couple of minutes?”

“Why?” the woman... read more

Love is blind

I’ve been told that when you meet the right person, you know immediately. How come when you meet the wrong person it takes a year and a half?

The friendly skies

An airline introduced a half-price fare for women accompanying their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the airline wrote to all of the wives who’d used the special rate... read more

Wise crack

Q: Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger?

A: He’s trying to work out the combination.

Grounds for divorce

The wife left me a note on the fridge saying, “It’s no good – it’s just not working. I’m staying at Mum’s for a while.”

I opened the door, the light came on and the beer was chilled.... read more