Doctor Jokes

How do I look?

My mother moved towns and went for her first visit to her new doctor’s surgery. The doctor looked through her extensive medical paperwork containing her health history and then looked at my mother... read more

Shocking display

My friend, who’s a nurse in an emergency department, was telling me about a patient who arrived with a gash in his head. Apparently the man was a farmer, and he and his son were working in a field... read more

Time flies

A young man recently came to the clinic I work at for an MRI and was put into the machine by an equally young, blond technologist. When the examination was complete, he was removed from the MRI... read more

Take note

While rushing around the hospital, busy doctors can sometimes leave odd comments on their patients’ charts:

– “She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she... read more

Deadly diet

At a conference I attended recently, a doctor was addressing a large audience. “The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here years ago,” he said. “Red meat is... read more

Getting results

A woman is feeling unwell, so she goes to her GP. He immediately spots the problem and says to her, “Take this red pill after breakfast with a glass of water.”


“Take... read more

Time lord, MD

The worst thing about being a doctor for the World Health Organisation is people get annoyed when they find out you don’t have a Tardis.

The ayes have it

After a check-up, a doctor asked his patient, “Is there anything else you’d like to discuss?”

“Well,” said the patient, “I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.”

“That’s... read more

Giddy up

A child was hospitalised after swallowing six plastic horses. Doctors describe his condition as stable.

Terminal prescription

William came home from the doctor looking very worried. “What is it? asked his wife. “What’s the problem?”

“Well, the doctor told me I have to take one of these pills every day for... read more

Take two naps and see me in the morning

A man tells his doctor he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination is over, he says, “OK, Doc. In plain English – what’s wrong with me?”
... read more