The history of marriage

It has been claimed that the earliest weddings, particularly in the countries of the Mediterranean, were little more than kidnappings, with the bride literally stolen from her family by her suitor. Today’s best man, the bridegroom’s supporter, and his wedding ushers are relics of northern Europe from the 5th to 10th centuries ad when the bridegroom had henchmen or ‘bride knights’ who would assist him in capturing his intended. The best man might also distract the bride’s family while the bridegroom seized his prize. Bridesmaids were dressed alike to form a kind of protective shield against evil spirits. They also had the duty of warding off any vengeful suitors who approached the bride on her way to the wedding, or thieves who were intent on stealing her dowry. Gifts given to the bridesmaids by the groom are a relic of the ancient practice of marriage by capture: only by bribing her girlfriends with gifts would a man be able to carry off his bride. Bridesmaids today may well help prepare wedding flowers but in the past would have woven the bridal wreath and ‘dressed’ the bridal bed with flower petals.

In some early societies, such as Sumeria c.2000 bc, marriage laws did exist, but elsewhere many early marriages were informal, the fact of living together and producing children being sufficient for a union to be accepted. Marriage was also viewed as an economic arrangement by which two families were brought together. From this evolved the practice of marriage by purchase in which a bride was literally bought for a ‘bride price’, a custom featured by the English novelist Thomas Hardy in his 1886 novel, The Mayor of Casterbridge, based on a true story. As purchase ended, so began the reverse custom of a father providing the bridegroom and his family with both a daughter and a dowry. The giving of wedding presents, and the tradition that the bride’s father gives her away and pays for the wedding, are the last remnants of these ancient customs.

The dowry was – and in places such as India remains – a part of the arranged marriage. Throughout Europe arranged marriages were long commonplace for royalty and those of noble birth, often for political reasons. In 1254, the 15-year-old who was to become Edward I of England travelled to Spain for an arranged marriage to the nine-year-old Eleanor of Castile. As a wedding gift, Edward’s father Henry III gave him several lands, including the Duchy of Gascony, a remnant of the French possessions once held by English kings. Many similar unions followed. A notorious example was the marriage of Caroline of Brunswick to George, Prince of Wales, later George IV of England. The marriage was a farce, partly because the two were incompatible, but mainly because 10 years earlier, in 1785, the Prince had secretly married his lover, Mrs Maria Fitzherbert.

Polygamy was often practised in early cultures: the Old Testament records Solomon as having 700 wives and 300 concubines. Legally binding, monogamous marriages were instituted by the ancient Greeks. Plato recorded that ‘a man shall cohabit with a woman who has come into his house with holy ceremonies’. In Imperial Rome it was customary to undertake a formal marriage in front of witnesses; the union could be legally dissolved with a similar ceremony. The consent of both bride and groom to the union dates to a statement made by Pope Nicholas I in ad 866. ‘If this consent is lacking in a marriage,’ he said, ‘then all the other celebrations count for nothing, even if intercourse has occurred.’