The chief and I were on our submarine trying in vain to hook up some fire...

Tool Time

The chief and I were on our submarine trying in vain to hook up some fire hoses. The wrenches we had didn't fit the connections, so he resorted to banging away at the hoses to make things fit. Just then an ensign walked by. "Chief," he yelled out, "I have a book on tools you can borrow." "Get it!" shouted the chief. "It's got to be heavier than this wrench I'm using." --Rich Stahl
 After sailing across the Atlantic, my family and I arrived in France....

Speaking English

After sailing across the Atlantic, my family and I arrived in France. Wanting directions and sorely in need of conversation, my father stopped a passerby and asked if he spoke English. Sizing up my disheveled father, the man warily responded, "Sometimes." --Katherine Tucker
 I was delivering pizzas when I fell hard onto the sidewalk. Seeing me...

Pizza Delivery

I was delivering pizzas when I fell hard onto the sidewalk. Seeing me sprawled on the ground, my concerned customer yelled, "Oh, no! The pizzas!" --Richard Thompson
 My mom wants me to name my kids after people in our family. So I'm naming...

Naming Game

My mom wants me to name my kids after people in our family. So I'm naming my firstborn Uncle Karl. --Nick Vatterott
 Spotted outside a church in Michigan: "Honk if you love Jesus. Keep on...

Meet and Greet

Spotted outside a church in Michigan: "Honk if you love Jesus. Keep on texting while you drive if you want to meet him." --Gina Vesely
 I enrolled in an online school to become a private investigator. I gave...

Investigation Training

I enrolled in an online school to become a private investigator. I gave them my money, and then I never heard back from them. I thought, Either I just got ripped off, or this is my first case. --Comic Mike Vecchione
 Every night, Harry goes out drinking. And every night, his wife, Louise,...

In Trouble

Every night, Harry goes out drinking. And every night, his wife, Louise, yells at him. One day, one of Louise's friends suggests that she try a different tack. "Welcome him home with a kiss and some loving words," she says. "He might change his ways." That night, Harry stumbles back home as usual. But instead of berating him, Louise helps him into an easy chair, puts his feet up on the ottoman, removes his shoes, and gently massages his neck. "It's late," she whispers. "I think we should go upstairs to bed now, don't you?" "Might as well," says Harry. "I'll get in trouble if I go home."
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